My Funny (In the Head) Valentine

Valentine’s day, our first
Precious slippery steps
To Love’s abode
Bearing Chocolate, rich as gold and thick,
From you,
A Snickers laced with Arsenic.

Our Cupid’s second day declared,
Delicate heart’s words
on Velum rendered,
Sweet nothings for Love’s temptation,
From you,
Attempted Asphyxiation.

Cupid’s arrow flew,
third time charmed,
Cape Cod Oasis,
Succulent as gossip, clams and crabbing
From you,
Crab knife violent stabbing.

Valentine’s litany,
No preacher or parson,
Instead strangulation, gun shot and arson,
Whipping and beating and pushed to the death,
Infections, e coli and garlicky breath,
That one time the envelope of cash I omitted,
You tried your damnedest to have me committed,
Electrocution and smothered and knocked on the head,
I’m getting the feeling that you want me dead.

I gave you all for Love’s sweet sake,
All you gave me was a poisonous snake.

— Christopher Reilly