Villain plots and she plans for twelve weeks
Cuz the head of this woman she seeks
She has a new silver platter
Hopes the hair color will flatter
No carving of turkey, instead, her cheeks

But this woman is smarter than known
And the villain’s plans will be blown
She’ll be sweet and nice
And then spit in her rice
While holding her face like a stone

The villain will give all she has
To needle, make fun, and to raz
But the daughter-in-law
Will shoot things out her straw
To add festive décor to her ass.

As they gather in front of the tv
They believe the Cowboys they’ll see
But they’re not aware
That oh yes, she did dare
To take the remote up the tree

So they ignorantly sit there in bliss
And no one gets up for a piss
Cuz they’re ready to score
And they’re up off the floor
When the power goes off and they miss

Leaving her to wash all the dishes
She stands and counts all her wishes
She’s on thirty two
But just one will do
Oh yes, this will be so delicious

The bathroom’s the scene of the crime
She can lock herself in, take her time
Dumps his little blue pill
And begins to refill
With Ex-lax—this will be sublime

The toothbrush is pulled from the drawer
And brushed a few times on the floor
The tile needs a good cleaning
And now it is gleaming
With this brush she has plans for more

She sets her sights on the throne
This plan— it really has grown
She starts to scrub
While they’re chomping on grub
Villain’s bragged about health is soon blown

The villain’s in need of a treat
Something special that just can’t be beat
Petroleum Jelly
She’ll land on her belly
When a thin layer is wiped on the seat

She’ll soon need to be about done
Time to sit back and watch all the fun
This is going to be great
She can hardly wait
Has her phone ready to dial nine-one-one

- by Cheryl McRae