What makes me happy is nothing real in a real sense

i like the idea of having many friends,
but not when they are in front of me,
telling me about their lives and worries
the real stuff that they live in

i like the idea of having a caring boyfriend,
but not when he is around me,
asking me about my days and feelings
doing what defines the good, perfect boyfriend he is

i like the idea of eating cakes
but not when they are inside my mouth
those that are made of nothing but sugar and flour
looking a lot fancier than they actually are

i like the idea of going out,
but not when putting on clothes and makeup
trying to look good and proper
then loudly chatting nonsense with strangers
driving me into hopeless boredom

i like the idea of conversation
but not when i’m actually talking to someone
with my voice bothering my ears
frustrated with my poor vocabulary
never enough to express all the ideas in my mind

so in summary,
ideas are exciting but not the actions
ideas are appealing before they are put into
practice

ideas make me happy,
but the real things don’t

metaphysics wins over physics
abstract is preferred to concrete

now i shut off my defective mouth
so that i can dive into my ideas and dreams
for the rest of my precious afternoon


—Kazue Watanabe © 2008/2009